Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize