It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
