I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
