Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
