I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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