A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
