The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
