So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
