Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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