it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
