i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize