Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
