Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She needs sedatives and a leash
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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