I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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