Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
