P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
