you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The adults are the big ones right?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
