Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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