I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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