Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
