I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
