I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
