Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
