youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize