As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
