talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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