So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
