soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Drake has all the answers
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
