I heard we made out
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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