Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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