I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
