i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
