He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
