If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just sucked dick on a ferry
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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