i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
