just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
