I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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