Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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