Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
