Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
