he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
