your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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