Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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