Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
