there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
