it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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