Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
