Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
