there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
