Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
