Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Randomize
