New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
