I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
