Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
