He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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