I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
