Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
