Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
