I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
