Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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