I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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