I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
COCAINE IS GR8
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
