Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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