So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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