dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
