Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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