I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
