Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
