First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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