Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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