I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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