i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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