I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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