I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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