i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
